Haven’t been in a particularly good mood lately. A lot has to do with my inability to finish my book in the 15-day period.

To put it bluntly, I failed.

Well, OK, I was a bit ambitious, trying to come up with a great idea, building the characters, creating the conflict AND writing the whole thing in 15 days flat. But I still believe it can be done. I just need to figure out the system. 15 days might not produce art but it should be enough to produce a riveting genre novel that’ll eventually find a way to an airport book store, if not to the New York Times best-seller list.

I failed at my first attempt, but I learned an immense lot. And that’s going to help me lots when I begin my second attempt in November.

Alright…back to what I was saying about being in an uptight mood for the last week or so. My better half kind of noticed it first (yes, she’s really my better half, no cliché!) and when she pointed it out – on more than one occasion -  I did some deep thinking and realized how I was generally in an irritable mood.

I don’t seem to be enjoying the little things in life that make one happy – that’s what Leena (my wife) said, and though I vehemently disagreed at first, I now realize that what she said was completely true.

I have become bogged down with pressures & worries about the future, about projects I must complete, about books I must write (and about books I can’t write), about songs I must release, about the money I must earn, about the house I must buy, about the family I must raise, about the world I must do something about….and the “musts” just never seem to end.

Somewhere at the bottom of all these worries lies a steadily-rising realization about my mortality. I am thirty-three now and I haven’t achieved a whole lot of my dreams that I used to think I’d achieve by this time. My hair is still black (and still there!) but the odd white hair is showing in my stubble. I get tired much more easily. My eyesight isn’t improving and … and you get the picture.

Somewhere at the back of my mind, death lurks. And there’s a sudden urgency to live life to the fullest, to do things I’ve always wanted to do, to  have new experiences, to feel new feelings. But a sudden and mad rush towards the “good life” doesn’t help matters at all. In fact, it makes time move much faster and the approaching end looms even closer.

So what do I need to do to really relax and live my life to the fullest? I’ll talk about it tomorrow. Maybe – hidden between the lines – there are lessons for you as all.