I was just sitting around, contemplating what I really mean by ‘magical life’. And I learned a lesson about not writing anything down too hastily (unless it’s the first draft of a novel)

How could I be traveling towards a magical life when life itself is magical. All life, found anywhere and everywhere. I am filled and surrounded by magic and yet I plod on towards “a magical life”? Ha! What a fool I’ve been!

So…the blog title from henceforth shall be – “Living the Magical Life”.

Magic is all around us, we just need to realize that it’s there. Not undertake some long and arduous journey to reach it.

Being Still is so difficult and its easier said than done. Try sitting quietly for a few minutes, not thinking about anything, and hundreds of thoughts will assault your mind. Which is what happened to me.

My mind is not used to being still. Far from it. As my wife says, I always have something on my mind. Always thinking, planning, worrying. Always unstill, if there is such a word.

But the stillness will come from practice. I would probably need to do this more than once a day in order to train my mind. The more I try, the faster I’ll be able to reach real stillness. Focus is very important.

Work was good today. Managed to create a site in a day today – had registered it last night and finished it today. Still need to write some more content for the site but things definitely moved faster today. Even took the time out to go out with my wife for dinner.

Of course, even if I’m writing daily I might still skip over stuff because there will always be things I don’t want to share with the rest of the world. I am – and have been – an intensely private person and the writing of this publicly-available journal has been a very tough call. But by opening up, I will – I hope – be able to help others make something beautiful out of their lives.

These days, every day is a struggle. A struggle against negative thoughts & negative actions. The Apostle Paul said it best –

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15)

Eventually – and soon – I MUST get down to doing what my higher self wants to do instead of being led by my baser self. And for that there are some concrete things I can do. Starting with a daily quiet time, first thing in the morning, a time when I connect with my creator. Praying and just being still in His Presence, examining myself and letting go of all that hinders and afflicts me.

That’s step one. Will write tomorrow if I did take that step or not.

To put it bluntly, I failed.

Well, OK, I was a bit ambitious, trying to come up with a great idea, building the characters, creating the conflict AND writing the whole thing in 15 days flat. But I still believe it can be done. I just need to figure out the system. 15 days might not produce art but it should be enough to produce a riveting genre novel that’ll eventually find a way to an airport book store, if not to the New York Times best-seller list.

I failed at my first attempt, but I learned an immense lot. And that’s going to help me lots when I begin my second attempt in November.

Alright…back to what I was saying about being in an uptight mood for the last week or so. My better half kind of noticed it first (yes, she’s really my better half, no cliché!) and when she pointed it out – on more than one occasion -  I did some deep thinking and realized how I was generally in an irritable mood.

I don’t seem to be enjoying the little things in life that make one happy – that’s what Leena (my wife) said, and though I vehemently disagreed at first, I now realize that what she said was completely true.

I have become bogged down with pressures & worries about the future, about projects I must complete, about books I must write (and about books I can’t write), about songs I must release, about the money I must earn, about the house I must buy, about the family I must raise, about the world I must do something about….and the “musts” just never seem to end.

Somewhere at the bottom of all these worries lies a steadily-rising realization about my mortality. I am thirty-three now and I haven’t achieved a whole lot of my dreams that I used to think I’d achieve by this time. My hair is still black (and still there!) but the odd white hair is showing in my stubble. I get tired much more easily. My eyesight isn’t improving and … and you get the picture.

Somewhere at the back of my mind, death lurks. And there’s a sudden urgency to live life to the fullest, to do things I’ve always wanted to do, to  have new experiences, to feel new feelings. But a sudden and mad rush towards the “good life” doesn’t help matters at all. In fact, it makes time move much faster and the approaching end looms even closer.

So what do I need to do to really relax and live my life to the fullest? I’ll talk about it tomorrow. Maybe – hidden between the lines – there are lessons for you as all.

This week I’ve written a few emails to friends I have been out of touch for months. I went down to meet an old friend (school buddy) at his shop…wanted to surprise him but unfortunately he was out and will be back only next week. Well, I did my part (…and will be back again to meet him next week!)

I also called up an old friend, created a blog for another (a super-busy friend who I’ve been trying to meet unsuccessfully for the past month) and made plans with another friend to come and stay-over at our house over the weekend.

I’m getting there.

As I’ve started working towards rebuilding relationships and going after my own goals (my 15 day book writing challenge that begins Oct. 1), I’ve realized the importance of habits.

Most habits are formed without much thought and then they stick with us for a lifetime unless we consciously decide to evaluate all our habits and do away with the unproductive ones and strengthen the productive (or good) ones.

Saying this is humongously easier than doing it, and don’t we all know that?

But writing stuff down on this public blog is making things a little easier. It provides a bit of a leverage when I sit down and think about what habits I should do away with and what new habits should now become a part of my life.

e.g. I have a serious problem with focus. Maybe it’s ADD (attention deficit disorder), I don’t know…never have got that clinically checked, but it’s been the main stumbling boulder (.. or maybe mountain would be better) in the pursuit of my goals.

I need to develop the habit of prioritizing things, then focusing on one till it’s complete and then moving on to another. The 15 day challenge came about because I knew it was high time I completed a book and 15 days is probably the maximum I can focus on one thing before launching into another project and also because 15 days is probably the minimum time I’ll need to write a decent book.

Also, making a public declaration about this makes sure I don’t chicken out after about 3 days into the challenge. With friends watching, I sure don’t want to get out of the challenge by giving lame excuses.
If I successfully complete the 15 day challenge (I know I will) , I know I would have laid the foundations of one of most important habits anyone could have (and struck a mortal blow to my habit of procrastination).

Just changing this one habit will have a massive impact on life. Imagine what would happen, if I rooted out all (or most) bad habits and planted new, better ones?

Onward, brave soldier!

I’ve opened myself up to public scrutiny – something I’ve always, always hated – and possible public humiliation.

I’ve decided to embark upon a public attempt to complete a full-fledged work of fiction. I’ve also created a separate blog to chronicle my attempt in the minutest detail possible. (That blog is at http://15daybook.wordpress.com )

I’ve sat on my ideas for a long time now and I believe it’s time for me to take massive action to move towards my goals. This attempt, this 15-day book writing challenge, is something I have to complete or lose face in front of all my friends and visitors to this blog.

I’m right now thinking of something humiliating or downright ludicrous I’d have to do if I fail to achieve my target. And record it on video and put it up on YouTube. (Something like what Dan Raine had to do when he missed his target by inches. See http://www.thirtydaychallenge.com/thong-a-thon.php – Of course, I’m definitely not wearing a pink thong. I’ll think of something else)

I’ll expect all my friends – and all curious folk who just might tiptoe in here – to support me like crazy. Make sure I don’t slip in achieving my daily targets, make sure I’m following my system, keep asking me how much I’ve completed and egg me on as I take this challenge head on.

If everything goes right, I’ll not only have a completed book in my hands in 15 days but also, hopefully, would have perfected the system I’ve devised for writing this book. And hopefully, some of you would also find the courage within yourselves to finally go all-out for something you’ve been aiming for a long time.

I’ve just moved back to Noida (that’s ‘almost Delhi’) after moving away from Delhi in 1999. Eight long years later I’m back in my hometown. It’s been nearly a month now and I’m still awaiting a homecoming party (hint, hint )

I had loads of friends and acquaintances I called friends when I left Delhi. I lost touch with almost all of them during the eight years I was gone. Most of the blame for that lies with me as I slowly stopped emailing / calling people and as time went by it all stopped completely.

I could probably do a thorough analysis of what went wrong and where but that’s for another day. Today, I just want to ponder over the issue of keeping friendships alive and kicking.

These are some of the things I’ve decided to do now to keep friendships from dying a slow and unnatural death:

1. Call/mail/sms/email every single person whom I consider a friend every single week. Meeting everyone every week would not be practical but the least I could do is call or email. (Mail’s better than email but the Indian postal service doesn’t inspire confidence at all). SMS is the least preferred means of communication for me but for a number of super busy folk, SMS is the best way. [BTW, to all my friends who would like to bombard me with umpteen email forwards to show their love, please DON'T. Only forwarding emails - especially those spammy chain ones - is NOT a sign of love. It just shows you don't care enough to even write a short, personal note.]
2. Surprise my friends every now and then. I’m not going to elaborate this point – it might just prepare them for these surprises.
3. Write a very detailed bio of all my friends that doesn’t just include the usual things but also stuff like all their big dreams, their passions, their likes/dislikes, things that make them happy, things that make them sad, things that they are currently struggling with. Then think up all the ways I can help them achieve their dreams as well as help them in living more fulfilled lives.
4. Don’t feel let down or angry when friends forget to reply to my emails or forget to wish me on days/occasions that matter to me. Of course, those who NEVER reply to my emails or return my calls might need to be relegated to the category “acquaintances”…and then to “almost strangers”.
   
5. Ask for help/advice/support whenever I need it and not be shy about asking it. That’s what friends are for. But if they are unable to help, don’t hold it against them. Give them another chance. And then – another.
6. Every week meet up with at least one friend in person. The human touch is very important. Emails / phone calls can never take the place of meeting a friend face to face.
7. Just love them. Love them for who they are and never try to get them to become like me. Friends are not meant to be clones. They are meant to be family.

4. Starting – and running – an NGO. There are a number of causes close to my heart and I want to start making a real difference in the world around me instead of just cribbing about what the government has – and is – failing to do.

5. Building a mega-successful business from scratch. My current business is reasonably successful and puts the bread on the table but the earnings are just chicken feed compared to what I’m aiming at.

These are the main goals. Beyond these are many more but these will suffice for now.

I know that I need to prioritize – even if a dozen things shout and push and jostle to be first in line. My confusion stems from the fact that I regularly judge dozens of things to be equally important. Which, of course, they are not. And this lack of concentration results in most of the important stuff untouched or unfinished.

These are the things that I need to prioritize – and I know I must be ruthless.

1. The three books I’m working on. Two fiction, one non-fiction. Have to complete them one-two-three and not flit between them.

2. My songs. Need to take them one at a time. Complete, record, release and then move to the next. This seems to be going better. I have asked my friend Anurag Smith to help me with this and with regular jamming sessions I am bound to get some serious work done here.

3. My film. Too many scripts started and left incomplete. Great ideas but need a team. So I have to start building one.

4. Too sleepy… (Yaaaawwwwn) will continue in my next post.

Till then…. zzzzzzzzzz